“I don’t want to die…”

The shard clanged against the ground, having been thrust out of my hand.

I thought about what Ayaka had said.

Chemistry club. New life.

Of course I would pick the chemistry club over the hell that was shown over there.

What that was about, I had no idea.

This was all a dream, perhaps. 

It certainly did not look nice.

“Wow. I’m impressed.”

A voice suddenly called out to me.

It was a feminine voice.

She appeared in front of me. Her white, long wardrobe dripped around her feet as she walked around. Her face gazed at me with curiosity, her eyes studying my face.

“Ayato Hinode, right? Quite a shocker that you pulled there.”

“Shocker?”

My face twisted in confusion.

“The hell do you mean!? Who the hell even are you!?”

There was a burst of anger the moment I saw her face.

It was hard to describe. My head felt murky, and I could feel my senses fading.

“Name’s Saria.”

With a snort, she pulled back her long, brown hair that fell to her waist.

“I was trying to make you not look back at it.”

With a sigh, the figure, Saria, took a deep sigh. She gently ran her fingers through her long, white hair that reached her waist, and stared at me with her amethyst eyes.

“Somehow though, it seems you have fond memories.”

“Fond memories… The hell?”

[dialogue*]

“Confused much, I see. Well, I guess it can’t be helped.”

The next moment I blinked, something suddenly awoke in me.

“Huh?”

Like a bucket of water being splashed to my face, like snapping awake after being dazed. A memory of my life suddenly flashed to me. It was as if my consciousness returned.

“I…”

What had I just seen?

Keshite High School. 

Those were fragments of my memory scattered across. The park, the classroom, the clubroom, the mall.

I was certain they never happened, because neither Ayaka nor Rei had existed in my life.

So exactly what was I seeing?

“An illusion. That’s what you saw.”

Her eyebrows pulled up, Saria gave me a shrug.

“Gave you your wish before you went to bed, no? Return everything to normal.”

“...Huh.”

For some reason, I found it particularly easy to talk to Saria. It felt like talking to myself in a strange sense.

And yet, it was hard for me to come up with a response.

In the first place, Saria didn’t return anything back to normal.

And then I remembered something Khosrow had said.

“Connection with Saria.”

I whispered. The figure across me, Saria, gently tilted her head and gave me a stare.

For her to be in front of me, talking to me.

Was it particularly special? Special enough for Khosrow to not kill me, torture me, and even call out after my death?

Saria sighed.

“You know, I can read through your memories and thoughts, but when I open the connection, I can’t. So if you wouldn’t mind, it would be nice for you to tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I…”

Saria.

Ever since Khosrow had spared me, I wondered who this person was.

In some sense, perhaps that was why I couldn’t come up with something else.

“...Us talking like this… What does it mean?”

“Us talking?”

Saria closed her eyes and let out a smile. Then, she opened her eyes again.

“Well, it just means that 

[dialogue*]

“I am… GIRUS?”

[dialogue*]

“Stand up. Fourth Knight.”

“Fourth Knight…”

“Yes. Fourth Knight of GIRUS, Ayato Hinode.”

“ーーーー”

“Among your powers is Unending Death. They say that upon death the soul is reincarnated; your body is repaired and your soul is replenished. Such is your ability.”

“My ability… Is to never die?”

“Yes.”

Waving her hand through her hair, Saria sighed.

“Do be wary. You mustn’t rely on your ability. Maybe it will work against Bishop Khosrow, but your journey from here will only be harder.”

“Khosrow…”

“You’ve met Ayaka Hirano. Just like in that dream, she holds the key to progression.”

“Progression.”

My inability to die confirmed, the word sounded strange in my mouth.

“A soul that lives forever, there’s only one way to move forward in such a life. A step closer to death.”

Saria flicked her hair as she stared at me.

“For you and everyone else that you love. If you want to save them, not only will you die, but you will approach permanent death.”

“ーーーー”

“Upon awakening, you will find yourself surrounded by [Wolf monster fuker name].”

“Awakening… Wolf? Don’t tell me…”

“Yes, Khosrow's attack has already started. Do not look so surprised, Khosrow is diligent. Underestimate his words, and you will pay.”

“...But how do you even know? You only see through my memories.”

“I see your body as well. You are on the verge of waking up. Around you, I hear the snarls of the [WMFN] and your sister begging you to wake up to retreat.”

“Kazane… Fuck…”

The hell?

I knew that Khosrow was going to attack tomorrow but I didn’t expect it to be so soon.

Fuck…

At the end of the day, it wasn’t like I was able to do anything.

Whenever it was my ability to cheat death and never die, whenever it was the Exhauire’s I shot, whenever it was the times I tried to run.

I’ve never gotten anywhere.

It’s not like I ever have, but all those times before, I didn’t have my life on the line.

“Such is the harsh reality of life.”

Sympathetic to my struggle, Saria let out a sigh.

“ーーーー”

With a pause, Saria looked back up.

“The time has passed. When you wake up, the monsters of Khosrow will attack.”

“I know that already.”

Clenching my teeth, I pushed myself off the ground, and my eyes met with Saria’s. Her pupils specked of purple, but there was not a single emotion that she expressed.

Instead she looked away.

“The monsters are not weak, and nor is Khosrow.”

“Say… Since you seem to know so much, you got any better plan?”

“Not any that will be any relevant to you. Of course, since you can die as many times as possible, I’m sure you’ll be able to find a way.”

“Is that so…”

It sounded funny.

The situation I was in wasn’t like a game. Even if I did die, it didn’t change anything. Time moved forward, hours passed as if I had fallen unconscious.

“Be worthy by dying huh.”

I stared at Saria.

Without offering me any better suggestion, Saria kept her eyes staring at space. For what reason she didn’t choose to help me, I wonder. But yet, her words did help me. If she was the one allowing me to keep surviving death, she had just confirmed that I could die as many times as possible.

Did I trust her?

Staring at my hands, I wondered.

If I died enough, would I permanently die?

Yet.

“Hmph. Why would I care?”

There was a funny feeling that I had.

When I looked back at my old life. 

The life that I was shown was not my old life, for Ayaka and Rei were even in my life before now.

Why did I wish for this?

Why did I wish for the hell that I got?

Well, I wished. And this is the result.

But.

If I couldn’t die, then certainly I could solve anything.

If I couldn’t, I would be worth nothing.

“Don’t underestimate me, Saria.”

You don’t want me to ever think, “things should ever go back to normal”?

Fine then.

I’ll play the game on hard mode.

With anything, with who I am.

I won’t ever give up. That’s why.

“I’ll definitely.”

Thinking of Kazane, thinking of Ayaka, thinking about my parents.

Thinking about the attack that Khosrow had warned about.

Thinking about the times I had died, thinking about the pain that I endured.

Let’s make it worth it.

“Make things right.”

Turning around, I found myself staring at the space.

“Take me back to life, Saria.”

“...You’re ready?”

“Fuck yeah I am.”

“Hmph.”

Closing her eyes, Saria turned back to me. Then she nodded.

“Good luck, Fourth Knight, Ayato Hinode. May you find a way.”

A bright door suddenly appeared in front of me. It had a rough wooden texture, and yet, I could see white light bursting from the frame.

Was I ready?

Standing, I grabbed the door knob and stopped. Without turning back, I closed my eyes.

“Hey Saria. It wasn’t a bad talk with you.”

Thinking about the memory she showed me, how much information she shared with me. And perhaps, the ticket to survive death.

“Perhaps we’ll meet after I clear everything.”

I heard an inward sucking of a breath.

Without looking back, I pulled open the door.

White light bursted, blinding my eyes. My arm covered my eyes, and I could feel the warmth of the exit.

For everyone, for myself. For Kazane, for all the times I died, for all the pain I suffered.

“Let’s do this.”

Without hesitation, I stepped out.

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

“Ayato, Ayato! Get up!”

“Ughhhh.”

Grumbling, I felt tugging on my arm. When I opened my eyes, I found Kazane’s familiar face, her brown eyes and ceased eyebrows as she shook my shoulders. Her brown hair fell to her shoulders, and her glance was quickly shooting between me and the window.

Boom.

A loud explosion outside.

With that, my body instantly shot up.

“Huh?”

This was my room. My familiar bed, my familiar walls. The familiar desk across from me.

“Ayato, what are you doing!? Snap out of it!”

I found Kazane again. Her face was slightly angry.

“Ah, I’m sorry!”

Seeing me awake, Kazane instantly stood up, and dragged me.

“W-what’s going on?”

“There’s monsters outside!”

—

“Dad and mom are doing their best to clear them, but we need to get out!”

[Some sh$t happens in the house]

Bursting out the door, I saw my dad.

His shirt was slightly tattered, and his face had specs of black in it. In his hand, he held a long black shard. Around him, piles of black dust, laid in blood.

My mom, who was standing by the door, noticed us. She turned around and ran up to us. She put a hand on our shoulders.

“Ayato! Kazane! You guys alright!?”

“We’re alright!”

Kazane gripped mom’s hand, giving her a strong nod.

“We’ve got to get out!”

[Some dialogue here]

[WMFN (Wolf Monster Fuqer Name attacks. Kana, Kotaro handle the wave. Kazane and Ayato turn around to run. A wolf jumps down. Splitting them, Ayato runs for his life (WMFN target Ayato because connection to Saria). After getting cornered, he tests the weapon he found from Riama Restaurant.]

I was going to give it a shot.

If I didn’t work, I could respawn anyway.

Panting, I turned around, and lifted the knife.

“LI Shatter!!”

A shard shot from my hand, and carried the knife. It flew into the wolf’s legs, leaving it making a painful speech. Then, it collapsed, and struggled to stand up.

“No way I’m letting that happen.”

Two shards shot from my hand, one into the wolf’s head, and the other into the body. Specks of blood flew into the air, and the wolf howled again.

Running, I picked up the knife that had bounced back. Placing it on a shard, I shot it at the wolf’s head.

Stab.

Specks of blood flew into the air, before the wolf disintegrated into dust.

Lifting the knife up, I stared at it in aw.

“This thing’s OP huh. Maybe the world needs equipment, not just a bunch of hacky powers.”

I tossed it back into my pocket.

“Gotta ask Ayaka if she got more of these.”

[Some monologue]

“Should get back to Kazane—”

Slash.

My eyes widened. Specks of blood flew from the tips of my arm. 

[Some fight with Khosrow]

“It actually worked.”

In this world, where my abilities were useless, it seemed that I still needed plenty of armor. It wasn’t fantasy-like in any sense, as any powers that I had seemed to just be supplementing.

“LI Exhauire!”

A black shard shot at Khosrow.

Slash.

His left arm flew off his body at high velocity, and clanged into the wall behind him. Turning to me, he clenched his teeth.

This was it. If I could aim better, I could finish him.

Pointing my hand, I screamed at the top of my lungs.

“LI EXHAUI—”

My voice cut off, as suddenly, Khosrow vanished. Seemingly dashing to the left, he disappeared out of my sight in less than a second.

“Huh?”

I quickly spun around.

Nothing. There was nothing but air and the frozen bodies of people. Wherever Khosrow was, he vanished.

“What in the…”

I took a step forward, crouching. 

A wind behind me.

Spinning around, I shot my hand out.

“LI EXHAUI—”

A black shadow,

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

I blinked.

Green above me. Still green leaves that didn’t move. Even the wind that I thought I remembered didn’t exist. Blue sky, white clouds, a forest.

“AAHHH!”

My body shooting up, I clutched my face. A large stinge of pain stretched along a thin narrow line on my face. It was then I realized.

“I died?”

An urge to puke stirred in my stomach.

“Ugh…”

It felt like I was dying so constantly. Whenever it was actually a few or not, it was like as if I died over ten times. The concept of my death, it wasn’t something that I got used to.

Taking a deep breath, I stared at the environment.

“Back here. Huh!?”

The trees around me were frozen, and I felt the rough pavement of dirt. I was in a forest, one far different than the trail. The dirt pavement was covered in dead grass, and shrubs grew at the sides of the trail.

“Everyone, the others. Why here…”

I tried to recall in my memories.

After being chased by the wolf, I had found myself alone.

Everyone was probably putting themselves into danger looking for me.

My fight with Khosrow.

It felt like I had made some progress.

“And yet… still useless.”

My hand slowly fell to my pocket.

It felt air.

“No… Don’t tell me that…”

My eyes shot towards the ground.

Aside from a few frozen bugs, a speck of dirt, there was nothing.

The knife that I had carried was gone.

“Fuck!”

Pushing myself up the ground, I examined everything.

My pockets the ground, my shirt. There were no traces of the knife.

Whenever I died, I left everything behind.

“————”

There was a frustration burning in my head. All my progress, tossed away. It was likely the case that getting to the restaurant now was near impossible.

“Shit… I have to get it!”

Crossing my fingers, I let out a silent prayer that the knife was where I died.

And, I sprinted. 

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

“Ow.”

Pushing myself off the ground, I looked at what I had tripped on.

A rock.

“What the… Why is this doing here!?”

With a kick, I sent the rock flying into the trees.

It bounced a few times off the ground, before flying out of my sight.

I took a deep breath.

“Why am I getting so angry?”

Was it getting easier for me to get mad?

I mean, it was sort of expected, since I carried so much frustration from my previous deaths and attempts of killing Khosrow.

And yet, I found even the mildest things irritating.

“Fuck, I don’t have time.”

With that, I continued my sprint.

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

“I swear it was somewhere around here…”

Turning back and forth, the place here was deserted. The people were still frozen, and it was exactly the same place as I remembered when I fought Khosrow.

Come to think about it, I hadn’t came across any wolves either.

“Don’t tell me they killed everything and moved on?”

Looking around, I didn’t see any traces of blood, or any dead bodies.

“No… It’s probably better for me not to believe that.

Turning, my eye suddenly caught sight of a shiny sharp thing that was lying flat against the ground.

“There?”

Rushing to the object, I saw it.

The wooden hilt was damaged with cracks, stained with streaks of blood. And aside from that, there were no visible damage.

“Ah, thank goodness.”

Picking it up, I let out a sigh of relief.

It seemed that with this, I was able to fight a lot better.

The progress I made against Khosrow was significant.

If I could ambush him, I might be able to beat him. 

“Maybe with some extra gear I would.”

Riama Restraunt.

Where Ayaka and Rei were. In the midst of this GRS attack, I wonder how they were doing.

Though I wondered how everyone was doing.

Turning back, I stared at the path that I had ran from.

I have to go back, return to the others,

“Isn’t a surprise to meet you, Fourth Roo.”

A soothing voice called from behind.

When I turned around, my eyes saw a figure.

She stood at the top of a balcony. Her long silver hair that fell to her chest, her long wardrobe that stretched from her shoulders to her knees. Her pale almost white skin, and her slender, slim figure.

The next moment I blinked, she was on the ground, a few feet from me.

And there, I saw the purple glow on her hand.

“Third Rook of GRS, Forna Schiezel.”

My mouth quivered.

My mind was blank. It wasn't that I couldn't think of any particular words, it was that there were too many words that I had.

Third Rook of GIRUS?

What was her connection to Khosrow?

And on top of that, there was one thing I didn't make sense.

"Fourth Knight, Ayato..."

"How do I know? I wonder..."

Tilting her head, Forna gave me a teasing smile. She gently stroked the blades of her white hair, staring intently at me with her green eyes.

[*dialogue]

[Forna starts walking towards Ayato]

"Stay away from me."

"Kkk, why must you be so rude to your superiors, I wonder?”

Clicking her tongue, Forna shook her head, swaying her long white hair as she stepped closer to me.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

Almost instinctively, a black shard flew out of my hand.

It flew fast, turning into a smear as it streaked through the sky. It got faster and faster, until

Crack.

As soon as the streak of black got near Forna, it vanished. Without even remnants bouncing off, the shard just vanished. No dust, no fragments, not even sound.

Almost as if I had never launched the shard.

"What the..."

Of course, Forna would have the same protection as Khosrow. My shards never got close to breaking his shield.

"Ah, how impatient."

Shaking her head disapprovingly, Forna let out a sigh. Lifting her head back, she gazed at me with solemn eyes.

"Such low skill level strikes won't hurt me, I'm afraid."

"...low skill level."

"Practice, practice, practice. It might be too late, I suppose."

Shaking her head, Forna stepped closer to me.

"You..."

My hand tightened around the knife in my pocket.

[Fight sh$t happens. Knife does nothing]

[Tries more LI Exhuaire, Forna casts disable].

"LI EXHーhk!"

A gush of red splattered on the ground.

I clutched my chest, heavily breathing. Blood dripped from the corner of my mouth, as I cough and sputtered.

"Perhaps you'll be less resilient now that your ability can't be activated."

Giving me a frown, Forna lowered her arm. With that, she let out a sigh and rubbed her forehead.

"People that don't know there place... Really annoy me, you know."

Taking a breath, she lowered her arms to her side, and began walking towards me.

"But maybe for you..."

"W-what are you doing?"

"There's something else I can do."

"I asked... what are youー"

A cold hand pressed against my cheek.

Forna had her arm stretched, her hand gently grazing the bottom of my chin.

"Ah, knight. I've finally found you at last."

"...don't touch me..."

"There, there, little knight. There's nothing to be so worried about."

"Don't. touch. me."

Forna smiled. Her hand started to slowly make its way to my cheek.

"Well, since your so busy spouting the same thing, why don't weー"

Slap.

Her hand flew off my face, a red handprint. 

"My, my, that's really how you want to do things?"

[Forna*cuts off his arms]

"Khosrow is so sloppy, huh. Forgive him. Can't even take off limbs without splattering blood everywhere, or pain."

Forna looked at the stubs of my arms, that were coated in ice.

[*Casually torments him]

[*Ayato thinks that Forna might actually be on his side]

"Are you... here to... save me?"

My voice trembled. I could feel the shaking in my legs. My head felt hot, a vein bulging in my forehead. 

"Perhaps."

[*dialgoue]

"...please...help me."

Forna let out a snort.

Then, she turned towards the wolves.

"I wonder?"

Their red eyes, their growls. There were at least 100 of them.

"I do feel bad for you at the least. I'll spare you."

With a sigh, Forna dropped her hand from my cheek.

"But I definitely won't make it easy."

[Knocks Ayato into a ice chamber]

"Huh?"

My limbs couldn't move, and my legs stook out. I could only see her face from the bottom of the ice tube. 

"Later, Ayato."

Turning around, Forna started to walk away.

"Wait... where are you going?"

"To let you die, of course."

"Let me die... YOU SAID YOU WOULD SPARE ME!"

"I did. You'll understand, right?"

Forna let out a devious smile. The wind blowing off her hair up, the menacing look in her eyes. And for the first time, I could see, that she was truly insane.

But that didn't matter to me.

"DON'T LEAVE ME!"

"Have a fun journey back. Ayato Hinode."

[*stall]

"..don't come..."

My voice trembling, I saw the wolves as they slowly stepped down the street block. And then, they started running.

"Don't come, don't come, don't come, DON'T COME!!!"

Without listening to me, they continued to make their way.

"FOOOOOOOOOOOORNAAAAAー"

A chunk of my legs were torn off. Blood spewed outwards, with a large gush flowing into the pipe. I could feel the warm liquid on my back, on my face.

"Aaaaughh!"

More bites.

The feeling of nerves being torn, the feelings of muscles being split, the sound of bones being cracked, the feeling of parts of tissue being separated.

"Guu!!! Aaaaughh!!!"

And for the first time, I was being eaten alive.

Bite after bite, blood after blood, 

And slowly, slowly, slowly.

Until my waist was eaten, until my ribs were eaten, until my shoulders were eaten, until my neck was eaten, until my

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

"Aaaaughhh!!! Aaaughhh!!!"

Screaming, my body shot upright.

My hands immediately patted my body, my arms, my legs.

Tinges of sharp teeth sunk into them. Just as quickly as the feeling emerged, the feeling vanished.

Of course, my skin were in no way torn apart. My organs seemingly repaired themselves, and there were only stains of blood. 

The ice crystal that I had laid in was gone. It melted, forming puddles of water on the ground. The wolves that had surrounded me had vanished.

"I..."

My head slowly dropped down, my lips trembling as I tried to recall.

Eaten. Slowly and slowly.

From the bottom of my body to ensure I mainted senses as long as possible. A painful death.

"Guguuguu..."

[*some wake up stuff]

"Fuck..."

Why.

Why.

Why.

Why. Why.

My hands grabbed my head. I felt dizzy.

Why. Why.

WHY!!!???

My fist slammed into the ground as I took a shaky breath.

Blood trinkled from my knuckles.

I found that it didn't hurt.

At least, it didn't feel like anything.

WHY!!??

My breath shaky, I punched my face.

It hurt.

Enough to distract me from recalling being eaten.

Enough to distract me from thinking about the wolves.

My fist lowering, the edges of my fingers were covered in blood.

"Fuck..."

Khosrow. Forna. GRS.

All this.

My vision was blurry as I gazed down. 

A pool of water.

"Tell me... Saria."

I remember thinking that I could do it, I remember believing that there was something to do.

When Saria had told me, when Saria had warned me.

Yet.

"What the... hell am I supposed to do?"

Even if I died, even after I died.

There was nothing that I could have done.

There were people who could do things if they had a second chance at life, if they could retell their past selves something to prevent a mistake, to prevent there deaths.

I wasn’t one of them. 

In the reflection of water, the face of a scared, haunted boy looked back at me.