C13 | What it Takes to Continue

Ayaka stared at my blank expression.

 

“What’s wrong? I can’t be that scary can I?”

 

She lowered her hand, the bottom of the juicebox she held touching the floor. Her pale legs crossed, she rested her hands on the sleeves of her trousers.

 

My lips trembled, and I blinked.

 

“ーwhat’s wrong…”

 

What was wrong?

To say something was wrong, to think something was wrong, to believe something was wrong.

 

There wasn't a particular set of ideas that I thought of.

Too little that I understood, too little to know to be able to.

 

Having died three times, it was hard to learn anything. Whenever it was returning from death or others returning from death, whenever it was Khosrow killing me, all the KRS and GRS things that I heard and witnessed.

 

But if there was something that I did understand, it was that I had seen other people die.

 

Indeed, I had watched Ayaka's body on the ground, blood floating from her neck that sprayed on to me. And I had also witnessed that boy that had his head decapitated.

 

"Ugh..."

 

It was hard to feel anything about my own death. Perhaps when I was certain I was dead, I didn't hold any consciousness. But seeing the dead people that I knew or didn't know, it was hard to stay sane thinking about it.

 

In the first place, I wasn't some strong soldier, nor was I someone ready to die or witness deaths of people around me.

 

“Hmm, perhaps I look like a ghost or something.”

 

Ayaka lifted her sleeve and looked at her hand. Her arm then fell to her side. With a sigh, she looked at herself.

Then, she turned back to me, and raised an eyebrow. 

 

“You look really haunted. Did something happen?”

 

“ーーーー”

 

Khosrow.

 

In this city so peaceful that the gushes of wind were an excitement, in this city where the name reflects the colors of the residents' futures, in this city that I found myself trying, thinking, working just like any normal human.

 

Death was what I saw.

Myself, Ayaka, that boy.

 

"Hk."

 

Coughing and sputtering, I found myself desperately attempting to forget. 

And yet, the sights of the dead were not something I could throw away.

 

The fire in my eye from the monster that bit it, the tightness in my chest from a slash that cut it, the dizziness in my head from a stab that broke it.

 

All this happened. Though they were hours ago, it felt like I had just experienced them. Just thinking about it made me shiver.

 

I was surviving death.

 

Khosrow didn’t remember killing me at all even after killing me three times. The first time, Ayaka had died with me, and yet, she was still here, breathing and talking. The second time, I had woken up in a strange forest. The third time, I had seen some boy get killed. Whether he was alive or not now was beyond me.

 

And honestly, I was too scared to think about it.

 

This is bad.

 

Upon the wave of danger and death that spreaded in the sky, upon the edge of Khosrow's blade that ran through me, upon seeing my own blood as it flowed across the ground.

 

Upon the wave of darkness and despair that spreaded in the sky, upon the edge of the city filled with monsters, upon seeing others' blood as it flowed across the ground.

 

I didn’t know how many times I could cheat death, and I didn’t want to find out.

 

My ability, Khosrow, GRS, KRS, everyone, everything.

Nothing made any sense.

 

The only thing I knew was that people were dying, and that I was included in that death number.

 

Ayaka sighed, pushing herself off the ground.


“Hmm. Guess there’s no other choice then.”

 

After patting her sleeve and shorts, she took a seat next to me. And in that moment, a warm finger pressed against the tip of my palm.

 

“Wah?”

 

“Stay still.”

 

A light blue glow illuminated the bottom of Ayaka’s chin, giving her shoulder and neck a tinge of blue. 

 

“Huh?”

 

Blinking, I felt a calm relaxing feeling spreading through my head. The darkness in my head slowly seemingly pulling away, it felt as like a cold breeze in the warm summer. A warm header in the cold winter. And for a few seconds, I couldn't seem to remember what I had been panicking about.

 

“There. Should be fine now.”

 

Stepping back to the wall, Ayaka gave me a shrug.

 

I blinked.

 

“Just now… What did you do?”

 

“Some crystal healing. That’s all.”

 

“Crystal healing…”

 

I slowly repeated what she said and stared at the edge of my hand, where the warmth of Ayaka's finger lingered.

 

"It heals your core. Really helps with mentals from energy exhaustion."

 

Ayaka said that as she lifted her hand, forming a little blue sphere, characters KO with a white font. She looked back up at my face and frowned. Her head tilted.

 

“You look awfully pale. Are you alright?”

 

“I-is that so? Well…"

 

My mind still felt joggy as I struggled to come up with a response.

 

Seeing an absence of an answer, Ayaka stood. Then, she let out a long sigh.

 

"Why don't you come with me for a bit? Since you don't seem to look that well."

 

"Huh? Come with you?"

 

"Yeah. You look like you still need some better supplies to fix up that energy toxification."

 

Ayaka grumbled some more under her breath as she pushed herself up. Her pale legs shook, and her knees hit the wall as she straightened herself.

 

"Ow, I did not expect that much pain from that crystal heal."


"It hurt?"


"Yeah, it did. Energy toxification does take quite a bit to get out. Though it was just for a moment, so don't worry about it too much."

 

Letting out a breath of air, Ayaka closed her eyes, and seemingly peacefully listened to the environment. The long strands of her hair fluttering in the wind, wrapped around the edges of her face.

 

"I was thinking about heading towards Riama restaurant. We got a lot of supplies there."

 

"Riama Restraunt?"

 

"Yeah. Riama Restaurant. Is something wrong? You don't look like you want to go."

 

"ーーーー"

 

It wasn't that I didn't want to go.

 

The matter of fact was, Khosrow was running around in the city, and I still haven't told Kazane anything yet.

There was still pain in my eye, and my head still hurt thinking about Khosrow, but my mind had healed up. I could certainly go back and gather more information about Khosrow.

 

Still, even if I did go back and do something, what would I do?

There was nothing left for me but to get slayed by Khosrow again.

 

"No, no... I guess it's fine."

 

Seeing my response, Ayaka nodded.

 

"I see. Well, let's get walking."

 

********

 

As I tagged behind Ayaka, I found myself lost in thoughts.

 

Riama Restraunt.

It felt weird coming back to the place.

 

The few moments later after I left, I ran into Khosrow. It was most likely coincedence, but I still associated the thought of Khosrow with the restraunt.

 

Additionally, trying to relax felt weird to me while I hung beneath Khosrow's threat.

 

At the same time, I figured that going back wasn't going to solve anything. Because I knew so little, in the three runs that I had, I still knew absolutely nothing.

 

Actually, there were things that I did know.

 

For one, when I was alone, Khosrow did not seem to be able to recognize me. However, when Ayaka was with me, he seemed to have recognized both of us.

 

Khosrow also doesn't remember killing me. His location and appearance times showed up very different. Four, there were monstersー

 

My mind screeched to a halt as I clutched my chest, a sudden sharp pain flaring.

 

A lot of information perhaps, but I had no idea how to connect them to have a better understanding of the situation. And recalling the moments before I died seemed to be bringing pain to me.

 

"Fuck... I don't get this at all."

 

Taking a deep breath, I did my best to calm myself.

 

Ayaka's magical crystal healing seemed to have restored me to a peaceful state, and I didn't want to need her to do it again. I already owed her too much.

 

"Maybe this is all just some dream."

 

That was what my final conclusion looked like.

Maybe if I don't do anything, nothing will happen. 

 

"Just trust in the process of life, they say."

 

Muttering, I followed Ayaka.

 

********

 

"We're here."

 

Ayaka said as she stopped, looking at a building in front of us.

 

Riama Restraunt.

 

It's shiny glass windows, the bright lights. The chairs on the inside, the large counter. And, a single boy stood at the cashier, taking talking and frantically scribbling on a notebook as he talked to a customer.

 

Ayaka turned around and gave me a glance. Her eyebrows were creased up, and there was a stinge of worry in her face.

 

"You still okay there Ayato?"

 

"Me? ...No problem."

 

"I see, I see."

 

Nodding, Ayaka turned back towards the door.

 

"Well then, let's go in."

 

Pushing open the door, Ayaka and I entered the restraunt

 

********

 

"Hey Rei!"

 

Ayaka sprinted ahead of me.

 

I found myself observing the tables and the people. 

 

It was a rather small restraunt, seemingly family owned. There were around six tables, seemingly to be able to handle a few families. A couple of pairs of people were cheerfully eating their ramen, and a single family of four were having lunch.

 

The lanterns on the ceiling illuminating the room with a light yellow glow, implying that today, the restraunt was open during lunch. Strangely on weekends, Riama restraunt was opened during lunch; it was usually only open during night.

 

Nevertheless, I was standing here, watching people enjoy their lunches. 

 

Ah, it felt wrong to compare the suffering from Khosrow to the hardships in those people's lives that they lived to eat so carefreely.

 

Even so, I couldn't help but think.

 

In what way was the KRS and GRS things that I found out special?

 

There wasn't any reward that I saw. And clearly, I didn't have any strength to save anything or anyone, let alone accomplish anything.

 

You could even say my life as a normal student desperately trying to leave the bottom ranks had a better chance of success.

 

Staring at the walls and watching the path, I slowly made my way to the counter. My hand drifted to my pocket, where I felt my phone. Pulling it out, I saw that Kazane had sent me a message. As I lifted my hand to unlock my phone,

 

"Guest huh. I would hardly consider that a guest. You can't just pull a KRS off the street and befriend them mutually."

 

"I know, I know, but it seemed he got energy toxified. Not sure if it was from his ability something."

 

"That's strange. Still, it's interesting to know there are more KRS here. After all, we've been alone in this city for the past 6 or something years."

 

Ayaka and a seemingly familiar voice exchanged dialogue. I lifted my eyes from my phone, until my eyes meet with the head of Ayaka's and the boy who was at the counter.

 

Noticing me catching up to her, Ayaka turned around and saw me. Her eyes brightened, and she rushed to me.

 

"Ah, this is Ayato. He's the person I've beenー"

 

Clang.

 

The phone in my hand fell to the ground, making a large sound of metal slamming into metal that echoed the room.

 

"Ayato?"

 

Her voice with hints of concern, Ayaka furrowed her eyebrows as she called to me.

 

Yet, the only thing I could think of was the boy standing in front of me.

 

"Why are you..."

 

Alive. Still here.

 

The boy that had been decapitated by Khosrow, killed in a gruesome manner. And yet he still stood in front of me, staring. There was confusion in his eyebrows, and maybe a tint of anger as well.

 

It made no sense.

 

For the first time I had heard and saw Ayaka alive, for the many times I found myself alive, for the times that I had seen people die. In the end, everyone was seeming to come back one way or the other.

 

And still, nobody remembered any form of death.

 

It made no sense.

 

"Ah, sorry. I guess he's just confused right now."

 

A tug.

 

Someone was tugging on my sleeve.

 

"I'll be back in a bit after I fix it up."

 

A strong force tugged on my arm, and pulled me away.

 

********

 

"Sheesh, what was that?”

 

Ayaka had her eyes looking the other way as she pinched the edge of my index finger. A dim blue light illuminated the room with a soft glow, shining her long black hair with rimlight.

 

We were seated at a table in a hallway beyond an "Employers only" door. The walls were the same as the restraunt's; tiled brown and marble walls. Underneath was a polished floor.

 

"Rei was probably so confused."

 

Ayaka's fingers felt warm and smooth, and it felt particularly weird.

 

And again, when she let go of my finger, it felt as if my head cleared up. Even when I thought of the boy, Rei, I didn't know why I had freaked out. I knew for certain that his head was once off his body, but it didn't particularly drive me insane.

 

Patting her jacket, Ayaka stood up, and stared down at me.

 

"Good now?"

 

"Y-Yeah..."

 

"Mmm. I see."

 

Sighing, Ayaka turned around. She walked away from the table, and started circling around the corner, her hand on her chin. Looking as if deep in thought, her eyes occasionally closed, and she occasionally looked up.

 

"Is something wrong?"

 

I couldn't help but blurt.

 

Ayaka stopped in her foot tracks. She turned to me and shook her head.

 

"No. Nothing in particular."

 

"I see."

 

After a moment of silence, Ayaka turned the other way, and stared at the wall.

 

Following her, my gaze dropped to the ground.

 

"Back then, you said something about energy toxification. What's that?"

 

Holding the question back, it finally escaped my mouth.

 

Ayaka turned back around.

 

"Well.. It happens when your energy from your core replenishes too fast. For example, if you run out of energy, your body intakes a large amount."

 

"Run out of energy..."

 

I thought of the times I died and woke up. The jogginess in my mind, how I couldn't think straight.

 

Energy toxification.

 

Perhaps when I was killed, the energy in my body was reset. But given how Kazane reacted in pain when her energy got drained, did running out of energy propose craziness? If so, how did I never see Kazane like that?

 

"Strange that I saw it happen to you twice. I didn't see you use any energy before either."

 

Ayaka frowned as she said that, observing my face.

 

"Twice huh."

 

Was my only response.

 

Supposedly, Ayaka had seen me twice after I died. The first time, where Khosrow killed me by the lake. The second time, where a wolf-like monster had killed me.

 

As I thought that, I was suddenly reminded of why I had been so persistent in finding Ayaka in the first place.

 

"Ayaka… Yesterday, do you remember what happened when I was out?”

 

“Yesterday?”

 

Ayaka paused, before placing a finger on her chin as she looked up.

 

“If I remember, there was something weird in the air. The next moment, I opened my eyes and found myself lying on the ground. Huh, what’s wrong?”

 

“Youーhk.”

 

Didn’t remember.

 

Her blood that soaked the ground, her body collapsing, she didn’t remember any of that. Neither did she retain any memories of my death either.

 

My lips quivering, my eyes slowly met Ayaka’s. She coughed.

 

“Hmm. There was a bit of a sore throat, perhaps.”

 

“So that’s how it was.”

 

The strange times I had cheated death didn’t seem to be remembered by anyone. Khosrow had told me, even though my hood fell off, he never remembered killing me. Ayaka never remembered or saw the blood of mine that soaked the ground.

 

“Did you have a sore throat too?”

 

Ayaka said as she peered at me, her eyes falling to her jacket as she tugged the edges of the gray fabric.

 

“No… I was just wondering if you had any recent memory of someone’s throat being cut, blood leaking from a red streak until they died.”

 

In regards to the statement I uttered, Ayaka tilted her head while raising her eyebrows.

 

“Hmm, that’s a vivid description. Where did that come from?”

 

“ーhk!”

 

I bursted coughing, my lungs having a burning feeling.

 

What was I doing?

 

My memory wandered to the time I had mentioned things about previous deaths and their details to Khosrow.

 

Saria.

 

The moment Khosrow had heard those words, he seemed to have picked up on something, and proceeded to torture me. In fact, the moment he had confirmed something with Saria, he immediately took off my arms.

 

I decided that it was a better idea to not mention it.

 

“I mean, it was just some dream thing. Some description I read online or so…”

 

My laugh choked in my throat. Rather, it was hard to feel such and do in this situation.

 

Ayaka gave me a worrisome glance. Letting out a cough, she turned around, seemingly not intending to push me more.


But there was still one question that I did have. It made sense, and I was grateful, but.


"Yesterday, why did you carry me back?"


The question left my mouth. And the moment that Ayaka heard, her shoulders stiffened.


"That was..."


Ayaka stared at the wall. Then, a sigh escaped her lips. She turned around and gave me a glance, before looking back at the wall.


"...Well, I figured that you couldn't move back while unconscious. You are Kazane's brother after all, so it's not like I didn't know how to get in contact with people you knew."


"I see... That makes sense. Thanks."


A moment of silence passed, before Ayaka sighed again. She pushed herself up, and grabbed the door knob.


"Well, then. Let's go back out. Hopefully Rei doesn't scare you this time. He is my brother after all."

 

I watched her as she left the door.